I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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