im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
