What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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