ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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