This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Randomize
