worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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