I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
