Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
