Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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