I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
