You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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