We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
