My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
