Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
