i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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