Apparently you make a good broom.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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