i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
