and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
