We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
