So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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