so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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