So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
