she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
where are my eyebrows?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
