Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
