from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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