I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
