This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
