STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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