so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
