So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
