census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
whose parrot is this?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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