I just saw a hot homeless man
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
