No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
