Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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