I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
