No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
