So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
