I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
