I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
