It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
