I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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