There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
