i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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