saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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