Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Do vagina's smell?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
