Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
