Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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