Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
