Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you win again, gameday.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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