My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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