My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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