I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
