dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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